I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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