just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
