It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize