I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
