p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
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I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
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Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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