Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
