She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
