Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
