I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
