p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
