Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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