just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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