just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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