he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
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Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I need to sanitize my soul.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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