if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
