god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
