you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
