It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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