We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
