You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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