discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
