hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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