i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
