why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
