Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
