youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
