A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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