im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize