Do you still have your period?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
