Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
sarcasm needs its own font
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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