Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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