hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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