no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
only you would photoshop your dick
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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