She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
