You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
