I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
