here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
