Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
