I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hippo gnu deer
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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