my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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