Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
