Will you blow on my dice?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize