All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
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After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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