hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
