I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
