I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
it's like heaven, but drunker
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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