if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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