Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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