if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
