I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
