That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
