Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
