Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
