I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
