Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
