Barsexuality is the new black.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
