Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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