I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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