It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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