Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think my fart just growled at me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged