How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
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Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.