3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
hotel room ftw
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
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all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.