why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra