There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...