And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?