Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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