i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
