On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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