i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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