you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
