I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
