Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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