I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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