it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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