haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She needs sedatives and a leash
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
