so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
