I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
