If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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