i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
