I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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