You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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